My Mask

Yeah, I have finished my brain RT, for 2 weeks, 10 times at Pantai Bangsar Hospital. On the last day, the radiologist gave me the mask and said that I can keep it :-). Look at my mask, seems like my head is quite small but all the while I taught my head quite big as I always need to buy larger size cap or hat. Anyway, I really want to praise the Lord here, thanks Him for having me have the headache and able to discover the brain tumour so early, at such small size. I really scare of operation and I did pray for no more operation. Thanks Heavenly Father, You are so awesome and so great. I started to lost my hair, it getting less and less on my head, I already bought a white cute hat :-), soon will need to wear it everyday lo. Doctor said in 6 months time, I will lost 10% of my memory. It is not very serious, just that out of 10 numbers I only can remember 8 of them. Anyway, I don't see this is much affect on me haha :-).

That day I was driving myself to hospital to see doctor and after that for my RT, after all done and I get inside my car, I couldn't start my car at all, no sound at all, the battery like no more.....hmmm what I do is pray to the Lord immediately, please Lord let me start my engine, teeeng I press again my remote control and the car engine started after the prayer. How great is my God ya. At last I called my father said the no need come to resque me as I able to drive home liao. Anyway, the next day I changed my car's battery and checked it was almost 2 years that old battery been used. Thanks the Lord for all these. Thanks.

There is Hope, there is Life

Yeah, it did happen, something very bad, should I use a better word ? be positive ? very hard to do so, I am not strong at all, I am weak, very weak, I can't handle it by myself, I need God, I need you the Lord, please help me Lord Jesus.

My headache is coming back, I can sense that it is a bit serious then last week. The pain was not constant, I means I don't feel the pain all the time, it came suddenly and I feel pressure on my head and it gone after a while. I feel weak again and after my RT treatment for my left hip on this Wednesday, my mom force me to see doctor, I was thinking to see doctor on coming Monday, I am, yes I am trying to deny all these, I keep telling myself that I just have normal headache and it will gone soon, it will gone in few days. This is not working, NOT working at all. The nurse at Wijaya also noticed that I don't look good so they called the doctor and immediately I went to see him. Again he did the blood count test for me, again I was hoping my hemoglobin was low and not much blood on my head....how silly I am ya. My blood was ok, only my white blood cell low and this actually caused me so weak, so tired. So...I was scheduled to do MRI scan for my brain the next morning. Ya, bad news. I did have a peek on the report when I am holding the scan report and on my way to see my doctor. I really can't understand the report as almost all the words are too technical for me, but I see 1.6cm....surpressing veinxxxxx(I can't even spell)....ya not good ya...I just calm myself and keep praying, keep praying to God, asked God to be with me, grant me strength to face all these.

Doctor told me that it is not so good when I walked into his room. When a doctor tell you not so good actually he means it is quite bad :-). tears running down from my eyes, I was trying very hard to stop them. Ya, my brain got tumors, my lung cancer already metasis to my brain. There is one big size tumor 1.6cm there and this caused my headache. There are another 10 to 15 tiny tumors in my brain too. Yeah I still and really thanks God from the bottom of my heart, this is consider early detection, thanks God for the headache and thanks for the MRI Scan, ya everythings is in God's plan. If I did the CT Scan on brain then will miss all the tiny tumors as too small to be detect by CT Scan, only MRI can catch them. Thanks God.

I told my husband that if one day I just collapsed and only able to lye down on bed, just terminate me....

Well, my feeling is ok when I wrote this post, don't expect it to be great but I am ok. Again I pray to God, I cry and tell God that I need Him, asking mercy from Him, I surrender everything and my life to Him, I am asking God to let me know what can I do to success His'plan, what is His's plan for me. God did send SeokPeng and gave me a book, a book by a cancer survivor - Shery Lim who healed by God. Ya, thanks God for the book, it really increase my faith. Thanks God.

God said when there is hope, there is life.

I promised God that I will read bible everyday, I will memorize His Word. I must do this.

sleepless night as leg pain...

I couldn't sleep well on this Friday's night, I felt pain with my left leg. My husband gave me one panadol and it did make me fall asleep for few hours I guess. I still feel pain on the Saturday's morning. I heard my husband said : this is not a good sign....yeah...I heard myself saying yes in my heart. I requested my husband to send me to see doctor right after having our breakfast. I look weak as well, pain keep attack me. Doctor did a blood test for me and both my hemoglobin and white blood cells are low. Ya I was then admitted to hospital for blood transfusion and I stayed at hospital till monday for the CT Scan. Scan on weekend is charge double le. At first, doctor already prepared the scan form for me where it cover my head as well, my got headache previously...somehow I didn't get to scan my head with this CT Scan, doctor have another form and a special command to detail scan my left hip. Ya, the result is there is a tiny mass on my left hip and that the reason for my pain. Thanks God for this early detection, thanks God for the pain, the treatment is 5 times radio theraphy, I feel very happy with this. My doctor also said very happy with the scan report as my stomach is under control, tumor marker also dropped to normal :-). He said my stomach is quite hard to treat actually. Thanks God for all these, thanks the lord, yes, You are the great God, nothing is impossible for You, the lord, thank You so much for everything. After the blood transfusion, after taking the pain killer, my pain gone, my headache also gone and I get to sleep well that night, thanks heavenly Father.

I guess I should feel happy at this moment....I don't know why, somehow my heart don't feel peaceful, there is something else.....

I am back...

It has been a while that I didn't update this blog. Basically I did nothing for the time. Today is the first day after my 5 days oral chemo medicine, the 3rd cycle. It was not great at all for the pass few weeks. I think I get some minor flu infection, I cough more and the flame was green in color. My white blood cells was low, only 1.9 compare to normal range which is 4. I feel weak. I got headache too, this is very scary and as what I expected, doctor requested me to do full CT scan from head to toe, normally it didn't cover my brain. If I tell you that I not scare at all then I am not telling the truth. Well, I need to prepare the stuff for hospital admission for the CT scan soon. Dear God, please be with me.

I feel weak during my medicine week. Weak as it not only for my physical body, it is also weak in my spirit. To continue live is much more harder then to ....hmmm but when I see all the lovely face around me, see those people that love me and I love too, it really encourage me to fight, I keep praying to God that please give me more power to fight, to win all these 'ku nan'. Hope I don't lost all my faith during all the weak time.

I do nothing for the pass week except lying down on sofa, lying down on bed... I can't focus to do anything. I tried to play psp game but my mind seems not there....I tried to sew my undone quilt, my mind also not there, my hands and legs seems not belong to me. Agrrrrr I really don't like this feeling but but but.....I feel blessed as I saw and heard a lot of cancer patients can't do anything at all, can't move, can't talk, only lying down on bed. I should feel happy actually as I still have a normal living. Thank you God.

There is hope...ganbateh....

Wedding dinner of good old friends

My husband and I attended our friends wedding dinner at Dinner club, Top floor of Amodo building. The place is quite nice, can see all the night light of the building around Bukit Bintang area, the atmospare was great there, the food also quite nice just that everyone seems don't feel full after all the dishes. Both the groom and bride are our old friends, we knew each other since hmmm I think it was about 10 years ago. We were colleague at Astro that time. Think about it, we do have a great time working in Astro ya :-). It was my first job, I think it was the first job of all of us hahhaa. All the newbie join the company and get to know each other, all of us were so playful that time, so young, go for movie, yum cha, clubbing seems our normal activities whenever we want haha, even visited the gay pub :p. I do have a lot of great and sweet memory, also not to forget a lot of love story happened here and there. Hmmm, myself+my husband and the groom and bride, another 3 more couples, yeah, we all from Astro, the gang working at Astro that time and now turned to be husband and wife lo.

I do enjoy the wedding dinner as I get to see so many x-colleagues, some of them really didn't get to met since after we all celebrated our VSS and gone different path in our career life. We all got VSS from the company and we all happy about it, as we do get some $$$ for the VSS. Basically everyone seems remains unchange, still look the same but those girls are prettier for that night. Some of them didn't know that I was sick with cancer and they complained that I am still that thin, yeah I am even thinner compare to 10 years ago when I first graduated from uni. Anyway, some of them like my x-manager said that I look better, even better then 10 years ago. I really look that scary last time ???? haha anyway life is unpredictable, thanks God that I am still here...

It is so good to met you all, dear all friends...

My father got high blood pressure

My dad was admitted to hospital twice for the pass 2 weeks. He got high blood pressure for more then 10 years lo. He used to take pills to maintain his blood pressure but just don't know why lately it seems lost control of it. He feel chest pain for quite some time already, according to doctor it should be about a month ago he have the problem. My father refused to see doctor and he told my mom that he still ok with his breathing. Aiksss if wait till cannot breath only go see doctor then it will be too late for doctor to do anything le. Due to these, I do pray to God and said to God Father that if the situation required, please let my dad get to see a doctor for healing before anything terrible could happen. After all the hospital thinggy and my dad is ok, back to home. A chit chat session with my mom then only I find out that there is some miracle did happened. It was the sunny morning of 1st October, the independant day of China. My parent are fan of China, hence my dad was in front of TV for this special day of China. I think it was very early in the morning my mom asked my dad to go pasar to get some fruits and my dad rejected as he want to watch tv. But later in that morning, my mom asked again to go see doctor, maybe my dad was feeling very unconfortable and my mom said has no idea why my dad just switch off the tv and go change his cloth and agreed to see doctor at hospital. My mom said that seems like it does has some power that make him get his buff of from the tv for his favourite show and go see doctor. Lucky they went to see doctor and my dad get admitted, doctor said his heart was not good, swollen, very easy to get stroke!! Thanks God Father, I knew it must be You to help my dad, to save my dad. Thank you Lord. You are the best. :-)

about operation...

I just read an article written by a cancer patient. It remind me that when I did my second operation on my abdomen to remove tumours. I do understand the feeling of the writter as I did experience the same!! Right before the operation, doctor told me and my husband that if the tumour touch my colon then he will cut off that part of the colon, and IF he cannot connect back the colon, he might open one small hole at my abdoment for me to .....shit!!! I really feel worry and scare after hearing this. I keep praying to God Father that I don't want that hole, it really disturb my life, disturb the quality of my life, and I am very very scare....I only able to seek help from God. When I wake up from the operation, the first question I asked my husband was - "got hole or not?" Thanks God that there is no hole for that, the operation was success and the tumour just barely touch the colon, doctor did removed those area and inserted the tube there at my abdomen for chemo purpose. Thanks God for all these and I really feel thankful from my heart that God didn't put that hole on me. That was happend on April 2009. Today I still carrying that tube and already done 3 cycle of chemo with that tube. Again I thanks God that the nurses are taking care of the dressing on the tube for me every weeks. I did clean the tube and wound on myself at the begining...sigh...not easy oh...really got to admit that nurses are the pro on this, it just easy on its look, really need skills to do it and maintain clean, else if kena infection then a lot of troublesome...I really don't want to imagine that. Thanks God that my wound is ok and so far so good.

Ya, with all these hard time and pain time, I experience the company of God, I surrender myself, my life to God and I believe that God knews what is the best for me. There is only one thing I pray to God that I don't want any operation, I am very scare of it, lying down on bed after operation is very very....sigh...I guess people who experience the same only can understand the feeling. My left foot still numb since I wake up from the operation, however I didn't complain or angry, I feel thankful to God that I am still able to walk :-). Dear Father in heaven, please keep me away from any operation, I am really scare of it. Father, i surrender everything and my life to You, please be with me and may Your healing hand upon me. thank you Father. in Jesus name. amen.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
[Psalm 23:4]

我虽然行过死阴的幽谷
也不怕遭害
因为你与我同在
你的杖，你的竿，都安慰我。
[诗23:4]

Word form God always give me power when I am weak. Thanks God, thanks Lord.

I am so thankful

I am so thankful to God Father. I went to hospital for blood test and wound dressing on this Raya week. Dato was not around as he celebrate his Raya holiday at oversea with his family. I was a bit worry about my tumour marker as it was up on the previous marker check. I have to admit that I do feel weak sometimes and I do pray to God, I need help from God Father, with the abundant love from Him, I feel much much better. Anyway, thanks to God Father that my tumour marker dropped, my CA125 is dropped. This is so great, God Father is so great, thank you God Father, may all the glory be to Yours. amen.

I just finished my own bei bei :-). I like the bear bear so much so I kept these fabrics for myself. I tried to do it with some new idea, new pattern and it turn out to be quite nice. I like it a lot :-).

Actually green is my favourite color, just too bad I got no much green color so have to pick pink color as the main color for this bei bei. The bear bear is so cute.

Quilt to be 'gift' out

I did a lot of quilt recently, all of them were/are to be 'gift' out to my lovely relatives and friends. I am able to finish one quilt by 2 days, I guess expert like my sister able to do it within 1 day, I work part time as I am easy to get tired :p. The next one I am going to do will be my own bei bei, I will try to do something new...well, I still thinking about it. My friend bought me 3 pieces of fabrics from Vietnam and soon I will work on those fabrics to create nice bei bei, maybe will try to create bag, anyway all idea still flying in my mind, yet to decide. I already picked one from those fabrics and passed to my sister to make one shirt for me :-), guess I will wear it to attend wedding dinner. Anyway I still got a lot quilt projects to do, still got a list of ppl to be 'gift' :-).

This bei bei is given to my sister-in-law, El Von, pink color for young lady :-)

Cute brown bunny for Siew Wai's son - Jee Hong, hope he like to play with it, smaller size for kid.

This bei bei is for my niece - Chew Jane, added yellow and orange color as I was running out of brown color fabrics and it look nice with the orange color eldge.

I made 4 bei bei of this fabrics, used up all the fabrics to 'gift' my mom, my mom-in-law, my best friend and my aunt. Not all 4 look the same as some I use more the plain pink color fabrics.

Internet was Down

My Internet line was down at home for the past few days. The contract for one year already expired and we didn't release it as we paid for one whole year when we subscribed to this ISP. We was thinking not to continue as we seems to be able to survive without it, but then....I can't online to chat with friends, can't update my blog, can't harvest at my farm ville :p, at the end we called to continue the internet service :-).

My doctor changed me to take oral chemo. For the first few days when I started to take it, I do feel very very uncomfortable and I just lying down on bed for the whole day. Thanks God I am ok now and enjoying my 'rest' day without the medicine for 3 weeks. The next cycle should start next week and doctor will increase the dose. I get to know that my white blood count low again today when did the follow up to see my doctor. Errr again, I got my booster injection and the nutrition adviced me to eat more, ya eat eat eat, I will try and my weight also dropped 300g :p, so I really need to try eat more to maintain both my blood count and weight. Ganbateh to myself and again I surrender all to my Lord Jesus and I don't care about the tumour marker.....Thanks God Father and You are Good all the times :-).

weak + weak + weak

I feel weak, I feel not comfortable, I feel like crying, I am crying....thanks mum for taking care of me, thanks my husband for picking me back home, thanks cheng yee, thanks yong xin for saying "ah yee, bu yao ku"....crying make me feel better.....

Book Fair

My husband, my brother-in-law and I went to the book fair at PGRM last Sunday. It was a book fair for all christian stuff, they have these book fair every year and this is about the 5th year. I was so happy get to visit this book fair, so many books to see and so many cute stuff like sticker, key chain, t-shirt, book mark and so many more...Of course I have to wear mask to visit this book fair else my husband won't bring me there :p

My dear husband bought me a t-shirt, red in color, the word Jesus written on it and behind it written all His other name like "The Truth", "Word of God", "Emmanuel", "King of Kings"..........He also bought me one new bible, this bible is with explanation, easier for me to understand :-). Elsen bought me a wood that for me to hang on my car' rear mirror. I like the design, like a cross with the word Jesus, so beautiful. It was great to see all these things, hehe :-).

I bought some sticker too.

My new bible....hope I get to learn more with this bible, I started to read again from chapter 1 - Genesis, old testament.

Nice design ya, the word Jesus in a cross, and this is my cute car, my lovely husband's hand.

My oral medicine

We went to hospital to collect my medicine this morning. My husband and I was a bit shock when the pharmacist come out from the room with one big styfoam box!! Actually inside the box, there are 2 small box of my medicine, just that it need to be stored in low temporature, that's why it is inside styfoam box with ice. I am going to take this medicine soon and its effect are just like chemo drug, also its side effect are just like chemo - vomit, diarrhea... but thanks God there is no hair lost :-D. My hair just look nice now as it grow back after I botak my hair last year. I like short hair style nowaday, easy to take care :-). Thanks God for my hair still there on my head.

My medicine was inside this box!!!

Blood Transfer

I was admitted to hospital last Thursday. Last Thursday, was the day for my visit to consult my doctor and I really taught that I will be at home to enjoy "Project Runway - Season 4" that night. And I spent that night at hospital after see my doctor. I was there for 3 reasons :-
1) Blood transfer as my hemoglobin was low, quite low, the reading was 8.8.
2) Booster injection as my white blood cells low, the reading was 2.6, not as low as previously but still low, no wonder I did feel tired.
3) for CT Scan. Doctor required me to do the scan after read my latest tumour marker. Ya, again the CA125 goes up. Don't ask me why as my doctor also can't tell me the reason and I didn't ask him also. I truly understand this, only God knew the answer.

Yeah, I success discharged at 10.15am, a very sunny Friday morning. I feel this is so amazing!!! With my experience, the insurance procedure for discharge normally will took 5 or 6 hours. Usually I get the thing done and only able to leave hospital at 3pm but not this time. That day it only took about 1 hour ++ to get the bill done and I get to informed that I may leave at 10.15am. This is so amazing, God Father is so great, so so great. I did pray to Him for the approval of insurance claim and for faster processing and it did happened. Thank you God Father, You are so great and so good. Praise God and all glory be to You, God Father.

Thanks Lord Jesus.

Fell down at toilat

I fell down at my toilat in the middle of night, last night. I was having diarrhea as the side effect of RT, and was sleeping in the middle of late night, suddenly felt like need to let go at toilat and so I just woke up and walked to the toilat. After opened the door, the moment I stepped into the toilat, whole body just lost control and I fell down as the floor was too slipery. The moment I gained back the control to my hands and legs, I was lying down on the toilat floor!!! I tried to called my husband for help but silence answered me. Lucky I still able to stand up by myself and walked back to my bed and opened the bedroom door to called my husband. My left hand and left leg were in pain at that moment, both of us taught that it must have "black green" color on the next day. We don't have any 'herb oil' at home and hence I just continue my sweet dream without doing anything to my hand and leg. However, my hand and leg were just fine, just a bit black green, a bit pain only, this is so amazing and all glory be to God. Thanks Lord Jesus and praise Him for all these amazing work. Hallelujah. Thanks the Lord for so little pain and no hurt of my fell down. Thank you Lord, You are so good and so great.

Talk about dream, I do have a weird dream last night. My husband did mentioned somewhere in this blog said that he never understand my weird dream, haha, so do I :p.

Back to my dream last night, I only remember the part that my husband and me were driving in a car on a highway, running fast. In front of us, was another sport car and its driver who is a guy, running fast too. And the funny part is there was always some nice sport biker over take us and the sport car, so both the nice bike and sport car were in front of us and we saw something even more funny, where both the biker and driver fly high in the sky and they swap their vehicles. This means that the biker jumped to the sport car, and the sport car driver jumped to the bike. After a while, they do that again and swap back to their own vehicles. Then the biker accelarate and lost in sight. Come another nice biker and things repeated. The only different is those bike were different in shape and color, I got to said they all nice and expensive bike. My husband must be able to name those bike if this dream belongs to him. haha.

My Quilt Project

My husband bought me a magazine, it is all about quilts project. He want me to do something as my hobby. It is really quite useful, while I am focus to do something, it really helps me to forget my tiredness, forget my pain and feeling happy when I see the work done. I started to make my first quilt project. This is the first time I do sewing work. My mother and elder sister are tailor, so I do see they sew every day since I was a small kid, but I never sew as I am not really interested with it and I really not good to control that sewing machine. There is once I try to use that machine to make one straight line but fail, as the machine run too fast and I just can't control it :p. I am still not very good to control the speed of that machine while sewing, but I think I am improving :-). My first quilt is not as nice as those made by professional like my mum and my sis, but I think it is quite ok haha. Although it is clearly to see that those square are not match each other on its line, some square are bigger and some are smaller :p. I told my mum that I purposely make it that way, it is a style hehehe, like a dead chicken trying to push the cover (in kanto). Anyway, the next quilt will be better, I can guarantee that :-). The first quilt is done for my lovely husband, lucky he never complain me ;-).

These are the guinea pig, size of all square are not even :p

These are the improved part, see the square are all about the same haha

Here is the done quilt project, 100% hand made :-)

Death

I get to know that someone I knew, can consider relative gua, just discovered that she has breast cancer stage IV, and it is already metasis to her brain and bone. It is kind of like waiting her time to end and doctor only can make her feel a bit more comfortable. She is above 70 years old, she can't talk much at the moment and only able to move one of her hand. I did pay her a visit together with my mum and my aunt. She cried while we were there at her house. I guess she is suffeing with pain and .... what kind of feeling is it when a person knew he/she is going to die, lying on bed for the time to come....I guess this is not easy to be taking care by anyone!!! Cancer definately is a disease that require a lot of suffering, I see those elderly people at hospital who under going chemo or RT, I am actually glad that I got cancer at this young age, sigh those painfulness really not not not easy to bear with. Actually everyone of us also have no idea when our life is going to end, it could be anytime and only God knows. We all should apprecaite our days and be more thankful to anything. To face death, I guess we need something else, it is really hard to face it by ourselves alone. I feel lucky that I get to know Lord Jesus, when life is end on earth, it is like going home, going home to see our Father in heaven. Thanks Lord Jesus for saving me, amen :-).

Fatigue

Tiredness.....I was feeling so so tired for the past few weeks. It was really tired and the only thing I do is just lye down and sleep. I also feeling not comfortable, I can't describe how uncomfortable I am but the body just feel not so good, sighhhh the only thing I can do is just bear with it. I went to see doctor 2 days ago and now I know the reason that I had been feeling so tired : my white blood cells count is very low, only 1.9 as the normal range is 4 - 11. Now I remember I did experience the same feeling last time, about a year ago and I am also under chemo that time. The same dead fish feeling. Again the doctor have to give me the booster injection. It is always so painful for the booster injection at my abdomen. Beside this, I also got another side effect of chemo + 15 times of RT, I am having quite serious diarrhea, need to let go them about 5 or 6 times a day, very watery. Hence, doctor bend me from eating green vege and fruits for the moment. Too bad I just bought 2kg of yummy cherry, all have to kao tiem by my husband lo. The cherry really nice to see and nice to eat oh. Write till here, I feel not so good again, blehhh need to stop here and go have a rest lo.

An Update...

I went to see my doctor and started my third cycle of chemo at hospital. Dato told me that the radiologist insisted that there are something there at my pelvis area, seems to be 3 mass there, hence Dato want me to do radiotherapy for 15 times to shot them at my pelvis there. I just went to hospital to do the planning today. I drove there myself and the nurse there told me it is not ok for me to drive, bleh :p but I felt that I am ok, I can drive, thanks to the Lord. The planning for RT actually is for them to do some ct scan on my pelvis area and they put some marker on my abdomen with black marker pen :-), really like in Mr.Bean cartoon where doctor draw the line on his stomach before start the operation haha. Well, I am going to have the last dose of chemo and immediately follow with the first RT on coming Monday. Thanks to God that due to the location that RT to shot is a bit lower and it won't cause me vomit, thanks God oh :-). Also thanks God that Dato didn't said need to do operation, I really very scare of operation :p.

I will keep praying and I do believe that Lord Jesus is healing me.

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed.
[1 Peter 2:24]

2D1N @ Cameron Highlands

All of us, 21 adults and 4 kids in 6 cars departed to Cameron Highlands on last Saturday, what a sunny morning. We took the new path where the turning to Cameron is at Simpang Pulai, Ipoh. It is a good way to reach Cameron without much turning like the old path, all of us felt so much more comfortable although it is actually took us a further way to reach there. In the middle of the way, we saw heavy mist surround the mountain and rain dropped on our cars. It was raining and I felf so happy for this as I wanted to feel the cold cold weather at Cameron. The whole night was raining and we all have to stay inside our apartment and have our plan to pasar malam to be cancelled. However we all do enjoy our dinner and supper inside our apartment, it was a lot of food my aunt prepared, steamboat we have there. Everyone just ate and chit chat, some planning which corner to sleep, those little monsters are the same, fighting for toy or anything they interested. Finally everyone got their spot for that night, the room I slept actually can hold 10 persons!! It was last minutes turned out to be so many people for this trip and we were not able to get another apartment as that weekend was holiday of Penang state, hence it was quite crowed at Cameron. Thanks God everyone able to fit in the apartment :-). I really enjoyed this trip, enjoyed the time with my beloved family members. Nice wheather and nice trip :-). Thank you God.

3 little angels, guess they are the most happy person for the trip, "wo yao kai kai" :-)

Yummy steamboat, I only can eat vege and some fish paste bleh :p

All daugther of Choong's family, too bad my elder sister was not there.

This is a new tea shop and the view really nice!! But the tea there just so so, we found that tea at another tea shop by Boh are much nicer.

It was so windy at this tea shop, I felt so cold and have to kidnapped the jacket of my husband, it was so fun with these windy and coldness air at Cameron, the wind actually strong enough to blow away my niece :p

I just done a CT Scan and blood test last week, good new is my tumor maker dropped, CA125 even dropped to 32, within the normal range. Thanks God for this. Another good new is the tumor in my lung got smaller in size, it is now 2.5*2cm, what a great job by God, praise God and may the glory be to the Lord. However, the report said that found 3 mass in my abdomen, seems like are tumors, but my doctor disagree with this and suspected they are scar tissue. I am still waiting for him to get back to me. Anyway, I just surrender all these to God's hand. I will just keep praying and hope any brother or sister who read this do pray for me. Thanks in advance. May God bless you all. Thanks Lord Jesus for all these.

All from my best friends

I feel so blessed as my best friends are so good. Thanks God for let me have 3 of them as my best friends :-). We have our lunch at Sushi Zamai, Mid Valley today. I do have a great time with them and the food was yummy. Perhaps we may have another good time together with SookWan when she is back to KL. I received so many presents from them, I really appreciate it and thanks you all so much. The flower really very very nice le :-). Thank you so much and may God bless you all.

The above 2 photos are taken by SeokPeng with her power camera, so nice!!!

This one is with my camera :p

Lavender body lotion, nice smell :-)

Golden kiwi, sweet sweet.

2009 Birthday

First of all, I would like to thank God for allow me to celebrate my birthday this year together with my family. I am really happy :-). I still remember that last year I need to wear cap to take my birthday photo as I got no hair that time. Praise God as this year my hair still with me after 2 cycle of chemo, God is great.

I received a lot of birthday gifts. My niece made me a nice and beautiful pink flower grown, my aunt gave me a box of pakistan mango, I am waiting for them to be ready to eat, yum yum :-D, my mom and my elder sister bought me a cuppocino cake, my sister gave hundred dollars voucher, and my husband bought me a nice fossil belt, my pants really need belt haha :p. He also bought me another miew miew bag, blue in color, I will carry that bag with my note for bible study class. Also thanks my brother in law who draw me a cute cat :-).

Thank Lord Jesus for all these, I really appreciate the time that I could share with my family. I know my family members love to give me presents to make me happy, thanks you all and may God bless you all.

The birthday cake from my mom and my elder sister.

Hand made flower grown and beautiful note from Chew Jane.

Pakistan mango from my 4 gu.

Cute Meng Sen, my newphew.

All the little monsters are so happy as get to sing "Happy birthday to you..."

Nice miew miew bag.

Simple and nice belt.

See the 2 little monsters are fighting for the ball and while we are taking photo. haha they are so cute.

My Baptism Day

Today is my baptism day. I am so happy and thanks God for enable all these to be happened. After gone through all the classes, I absented twice the class as admited at hospital for the operation, after gone the test, after the testimony and finally today is the day. Thanks God. I will ganbateh to be better :-).

I was in front there for baptism but my honey at the back here only able to capture this :p

Gift from ElVon, so nice!!!

Gift from SeokPeng and her sisters, nice and my honey like the fish shadow that casted on wall.

Fencing

My honey learned fencing since primary school, he used to do fencing with his best friend - SinChian and sometimes his own brother. The open area right in front of our house allow them to do this activity and they like to do it during Sunday morning before they head to enjoy their bak kut teh at Selayang. SinChian's wife love that bak kut teh hehe :-). I was forbidden to eat sobs sobs :p. After all, I managed to take some photo while they are fencing. Too bad they are not in full fencing suit, else with the total white shirt and total while long pants, I guess a lot of girls will think they are the prince charming as both of them are so tall. Anyway, my honey always is my prince charming although fencing with this kampong boy style haha. Thanks for loving me, this useless and ugly wife :p. Thanks for all your supports and I love you, Nini.

Meet my old friends

Finally, I get to have lunch and had a nice chat with my old friends, we know each others since uni time. It really was a great time we studied together, hang around at each other's house and sometimes at mamak in the middle of the night. You all still look the same after for so long time I didn't get to see you all. Carrey still pretty and fit, Alex seems gains some weight but I think you look better now ;-). I am very happy to hear that CheeTung get a hairstylist as girl friends, after so many years he is single and seems not interested in girls :p. PohCheang and SengKit still look the very same and seems get thinner and thinner. I really hope soon you both get girl friend as your lovable and suitable life partner. Thanks you all dropped by at my house to pay me a visit, thanks for the lunch, thanks for the nice long chat. May God bless you all.

My Testimony

信主见证

我自小在一个道教家庭里长大。小时后，妈妈有空就会带我到佛庙里去拜拜，我学会了念佛名号，念心经。读书的时候我都会求普萨保佑我考试顺利，还好吧，我完成了大学学士学位。出来社会工作也差不多有十年了。我是个随缘的人，不会去强求某些东西。近这几年来，由于工作忙碌，工作压力大，我在不知不觉中变了。我变的很容易发脾气，小小事情我也会很不开心。可是我很笨，我把这一切都放在心上，偶而也有找人来发泄，但我并没有让他留在心中太久。回想起我准备婚礼的一年当中，我对传统的礼仪有很多的不满。我丈夫的家人都是基督教徒，我为了不麻烦两家人，自己想法子去让大家用最简单的方法来解决，我太天真了，传统礼仪里有太多东西是没有原因但是一定要做的。我不知道是不是发生了太多这些使人厌烦的事情，我在婚后一个月得了肺癌。

我还记得我知道关于主耶稣的事迹是在一个名为“向世界出发“的电视节目。主持人解释了圣父，圣子，圣灵三位一体的神，在以色列实地拍摄主耶稣如何拯救世人而舍了他自己的生命。我觉得主耶稣很伟大，当时很感动，想知道更多关于基督教的事。在我生病以来，我看了很多朋友送我的书，有的是佛教，也有是基督教的。看了书，也有人来告诉我，我之所以会生病是因为我前世害了人，他们来找我报仇了，要拿我的命。我听了后觉得这轮回，前世后世的系统不公平。我被惩罚也该让我知道我前世做了什么，来世要修行救自己，如果变了动物怎么办呢？我觉得非常非常无助。后来，我的好友和一位小学老师来拜访我，送了我一本圣经。他们告诉我，只有基督教里有一位真神，佛教是一种教导，要靠自己修行的，我非常同意。就在2008年的最后一天，在好友雪萍和林老师的带领下，我在家里接受了主耶稣。那天我哭了，但是我很开心，心中有了一份平安。

老实说，信主耶稣以后，我很开心不用再烧钱了，不再点灯，烧东西给死人了。我把钱捐给教会，真的可以帮到别人，不是好过给死人吗？信主耶稣以后，我每天祷告上帝，祈求主耶稣医治我。我把我的生命交与上帝，我接受上帝的一切安排。我心中欢喜主耶稣是我的救主，我也深深相信只有主耶稣是我可以信靠的，只有主耶稣能医治我。我也努力做好自己，我要做个荣耀天父的儿女。我不再乱发脾气了，我学会站在别人的立场来分析事情。不对和不喜欢的事情，我学会了坚持。看开了后，日子过的比较开心了。只是偶而我还会因为生病带来的痛苦而哭了。我还有很多可以改进的地方，我得加油了。愿主耶稣赐福于我，与我同在。

Amazing things happened!

Today, two amazing things happened on me and thanks God for all these.

This morning I was driving to Old Klang Road to attend the Elpizo Cancer Support Group at Logof Church, I only knew the way to Old Klang Road from my x-office which is the turning out from Sungai Besi highway at Desa Water Park. I am thinking to get there by the same way as I was a bit late and hoping that I can get there without any delay. Too bad that I miss the Desa Water Park turning and I turned on the next exit which is to Jalan Kuchai Lama, I am thinking to find a U turn, but somehow I end up at NPE and I reached a toll, I was lost and I don't know where am I. Hence, I pray to God, asking God to lead me to Old Klang Road. Not long after the pray, I saw a sign board beside the road sound Old Klang Road!!! Thanks God and I just followed those sign board and finally I found Logof Church!! This is so amazing, the glory belong to God, praise God!! I have a great experience at Logof Church, the stories of Dr Andy Lim is so amazing, he is healed by Lord Jesus from Nose cancer 25 years ago. Thanks Dorothy for invited me there.

Secondly, again I would like to thanks God and praise God for this wonderful things that happened, I received the cheque from my insurance company as my claim for the female disease is approved. At first, the doctor told me that I might not be able to get this claim although my ovary was removed but it is not ovary cancer as the cancer cells are from my lung, anyway I just give it a try and thanks Lord Jesus that finally I got the money, it does really help me to settle my chemo bills as I can't use my medical card at Wijaya Medical Center, it is still not yet with hospital status, not yet be the panel hospital of AIA. Thank you Lord Jesus.

BaBa Boo

My cute little niece is with me at my mom house today. We are helping my sister to take care her. I asked her to be my model and ordered her to post beside her favourite cartoon character - BaBa Boo. Actually the bear name is Winnie The Pooh, just that when she was much younger time, we introduced to her Winnie the Pooh and somehow she just keep repeat saying BaBa Boo, hence we all also called that yellow bear BaBa Boo, even my father did called it BaBa Boo too!!

Her smile was so cute :-)

My best friends

I always received beautiful flowers from my best friends once they visit me. I have 3 best friends in my life, they are my friends since school time. We did share a lot of nice memories, time we studied together, time we do school project together, time we attended art class together to do some artitic hand from semen, time we attended pertanian class together to give water to our kangkong, our corn and so much more... Time flied and we all married except the prettiest one, too much choices for her to pick I guess :p. Anyway I hope soon we get to attend her wedding party. Thanks you all for all the supports, the flowers, the yummy kiwi and many many caring from you all. Thanks God that I have you all be my best friends.

Tired ......

Today I have finished my first cycle of chemo. I am very tired and I don't look good today, white mouth and white face, haha sound so scary but actually just very weak I think. More cycle to come and along the way there will be tumour marker check and more scanning ahead. Doctor asked me how I feel today, he want to know whether is there any better symptom after the chemo drags. Seriously I really cannot answer the question! I don't feel pain even the tumours were inside my abdomen so I really can't tell, guess really have to check with blood test, ct scan or PET ct scan lo. Sometimes when you feel you are great but in actual it is not, and sometimes it is the other way round. There are always other possibilities exist no matter what, this is not a simple world! And thanks God that God will make a way. :-).

Super Watch

I did kept my promise that I bought 2 birthday presents to my honey this year. I miss it last year as that time my situation was quite bad and quite emergency so I really have no mood to shop for present and my honey also don't want any present except my health. Anyway thank you God for letting me to celebrate his birthday this year. Previously I bought him a perfume as he is crazy with perfume nowadays. For the second present, I think of get him something very solid and something that can last very very long time, hopefully forever. I decided to get him a nice watch. We had been talked about watch long time ago, we both also agreed that if we carry a good nice watch and we can pass this watch to our next generation and keep passing it down as the family things - 'ka chuen zi bao' haha. Just a funny thinking. Anyway, I hope one day we may success this dream. Nice watch honey, glad you own it now :-)

Little present from God

Many many years ago, N years ago, I had been shopping at some where, not sure at KL or outstation or oversea, I spotted this little glass with meaningful words engraved on it, I just found that it was very cute, very nice and feel like buying it, but it is something related to Christian and I am not Christian that time. Anyway, at the end I decided to bought it and I have it put under my drawer until now. I guess I never "use" it as I feel it is Christian thingy so it just been hide under the drawer for so many years!! Just about a month ago, I am browsing my drawer for some small gift to be sent to my friend and I reveal it. I still feel it is very nice and so now I put it on my TV table. The quote is nice and thank you God for giving me this message, I would love to surrender myself to You and I believe that God, You will take care of everythings. Praise God, this is so amazing.

Very Confusing

I back to hospital for chemo today. This time the chemo is done in a way that different from last time that I did about a year ago. Doctor put a tiub inside my abdomen and it come out on my skin leaving a wound there. The chemo drug is directly pump into this tiub and goes inside that specific area for a better result. That tiub is called Tenckhoff catheters. The nurse at Pantai Bangsar Hospital teached and told me to do clean up dressing for my wound, and it has to be done on everyday basis. The process must be performed in very clean environment, my hand must be super clean as once it gets inflection then a lot more troublesome. I learn and I did it for about a week. Thanks God the wound is ok so far.

Today the leader nurse at Wijaya saw my wound and keep complaining that I shouldn't do the dressing everyday!!! She said patient should NOT do the dressing for these kind of wound. It has to be done by them - expert. She said they have another patient also carrying this kind of tiub and she did the dressing for her once a week, cover with water proof bendage. Thanks God. I do really feel better if she can do the dressing for me and save me from doing it kelam-kabut-ly every day. haha. Too bad I bought quite a lot dressing set, anyway I just bring it to hospital to use lo since already purchased.

About my blood test, not good, the tumour marker go up doubled the figure before operation. Oh no, I really have no idea what wrong but then I just hand all these to God, only He knows how to heal me, He is my healer. Doctor said he is 'pening kepala' today as one of the chemo drag he choosed for me but can't use as I remind him that I alergy with it last time, grrrrr. I surrender everythings to God.

To My In-Law Family

To Pa and Ma
I feel very sorry to you both. I only able to be your health daugther-in-law for one month only. I am not able to take care you both but instead I need ah Ma to come KL to take care me after the operation. Thank you so much for helping me, cooking health dish for me, handing me a cup of milk or water while I am hardly walk after the operation. I really appreciate it. May God bless you both and always be with you both.


To El Von

Thank you so much for keep me in your prayer. Thanks for the caring and concern, you are really a very very nice girl. I do keep you in my prayer too. May God bless you and hope you get to meet a nice guy who love you a lot.


To El Sen

Your working time is unpredictable. I have not much time to see you at home. I feel that you are a nice and simple guy. This world full of evil people so have to be smart and not to get bully by them. Try to observe things that surround you and think more, I guess all these may help you to be more alert. I don't feel you making trouble at home at all, already get used to :p. haha not really le, no worry. May God bless you and hope you get a better job soon.

I love you all. Thanks for letting me have a good husband :-).

My Brother

我的弟弟

写到弟弟，我没有太多东西可以写。自小我和弟弟都是时常吵架的， 我总是被欺负，我笨吧， 还有妈妈一定要我让弟弟啊， 因他是唯一的男丁。弟弟自小就喜欢做买卖。记得他小时候在家后院的鱼池养了很多打架鱼，然后就一条条卖出去。到了新年，又与朋友一起拷肉干来卖。自己做老板是他的梦想。谢谢你买37寸的LCD电视放在二庭给我看，因没有辐射。谢了，我祈求上帝保佑你事业顺利，一家人平安快乐。铭森真的很可爱，可惜我没有太多时间与他玩，不然他一定也会像靖儿，永欣那样在面对镜头时总会出两个手指，V 哈哈。

My Younger Sister

我的妹妹

妹妹与我是年龄比较接近，所以我们比较谈的来。我看到他结婚已后有很大的变化。回想起来以前和他同房时，我真的拿他没有办法，总是把房间弄得乱乱的，我是投降了，自己搬到storeroom去睡。现在的他是2个小瓜的妈妈了。他家里都是清清洁洁的，煮饭菜还有一手呢。我很开心看到这一切。我相信有儿有女是一个人的福气，并不是每个人都能拥有的，得看啊上帝给不给这福份了。要好好珍惜，对一些人来说这幅份却是多么遥不可及! 谢谢你送我手链, 那重重的magic牌, peptomen, organic食物,还有很多很多……愿上帝赐福于你和你的家人,一家人都建建康康,永远辛福.

My Elder Sister

我的姐姐

姐姐长得像爸爸，黑黑的，但并不会不好看。可是近这十年来，姐姐用的美白产品很有效，他一点也不黑了。姐姐比我矮，有一次与姐姐和同事一同去Pulau Perhentian，大家都说他像我妹妹多一点，我听了只可以把嘴巴"DO"一下，必竟这是事实。我这个姐姐真的是天下第一大好人，每次要他帮忙时，他总是没有让人失望。人也没有半点脾气，总是站在别人的立场来分析事情。感谢上帝赐姐姐一个可爱的女儿。谢谢姐姐一直都帮我，谢谢你每次都原谅我的过错。祈求上帝与姐姐同在，赐福于他，保佑他不遭苦难。

My Mother

我的妈妈

一直以来，我和妈妈的关系是比较多话，比较多谈心的时候。我觉得自己像妈妈，不只是外貌，性格也很像。我遗传了妈妈的大脸，但是我并不觉得大脸难看哦。我的妈妈是个好妈妈，每天都会准备早餐给我，只要起床梳洗后，我就可以带那爱心早餐去上班了。生病以来，还要妈妈一日3餐煮给我吃。在做chemo的日子，我连站的体力都不多，真是要谢谢妈妈。我知道你也不是很舒服，可是还要你老人家来照顾我这个不孝女。我只有祈求上帝让我有多一次机会请你和爸爸去游玩，我知道你们都爱旅行。愿上帝赐福于爸妈。保佑妈妈身体建康。

My Father

我的爸爸

平常很少和爸爸聊天，真的是少之又少，可是我知道爸爸是爱我们的。虽然爸爸平常比较少话，但他和朋友喝茶时就不难会看到一个常建谈，对政治有自己一面见解的爸爸。生病以来，爸爸都是以自己的方式来表达他对我的关心。当我要每天到医院打针时，软弱的我只好要爸爸当我的司机了。在医院里，为了不吃到有味精的食物，也得劳烦爸爸带家里的饭菜来医院。其实爸爸并不喜欢到那间医院，因为他不熟悉那里的停车场，又不会用machine来付停车费。可是在我第2次动手术时，爸爸已经学会了。感谢爸爸，女儿不孝，不能照顾你老人家。我很庆幸以前我有一些钱时请了爸妈去泰国游玩。我们也去中国九寨沟，真的很好玩，很开心。大家都大开眼界。我要赞美上帝，制造了九寨沟这个人间仙境。爸爸，没有想到我能做到的只有那些了。可是无论未来的日子有多长，我会为你祷告，愿上帝保佑你平安快乐，身体建康。