Days at hospital

I meet Dr Yee Kok Ming, consultant cardialogy at Pantai Bangsar last Monday. I was admitted to hospital right after that and doctor will do a procedure to remove the fluid that cover my heart which has been seen thought the ultra sound. However, doctor did mentioned to me that it might not help 100% of my breathless because my lungs got a lot problem also and they could be the main reason for my breathless. My oncology doctor - Dato Dr Ibrahim agreed to do the procedure also as this may help to improve my breathless and it also will protect my heart. Actually I am very scare to do any operation, very scare oh but what can I say....thanks God that it is only small procedure and after one night of staying I can discharge according to doctor. Then we proceed everything, I requested 2 beded room this time because I want to watch "Heavenly sword and dragon sabre" every night at 8TV hehe :p.

I did the procedure at ICU, a small hole at my chest and fluid flow out and been collected in a bag. Doctor estimated can collect up to 500ml fluid, about 2 cans of coke. It is really not comfortable to have such things poke in the middle of my chest, I walked to bathroom and back to my bed, I still feel breathless, not much improvement that I told doctor. We let the fluid drain overnight, it flow slowly, and I have to stay one more night....end up I stayed at hospital for 4 days, I miss my own bed so much, miss my pillows so much.

Doctor told me that to remove the thing is very easy and I release my worry....manatau....very pain oh...sob sob. Doctor just pull the thing out from my chest. At first doctor wanted to use a short wayer but somehow it dropped to floor when doing the procedure, so happened hospital run out of stock and doctor used a longer one. Hence, when doctor pull out the wayer, he worried the wayer get stuck or cut off inside. He pull slowly and I .....so pain....after so many pull....so many pain, still long to go i guess. At last, doctor stopped and asked nurse to send me to lab, he want to do it under a x-ray, with the help of x-ray, doctor can see the wayer didn't get stuck and pull it with very high speed, I scream a bit and everything is done. Thanks God so much :-). I think I knew now the feeling when a sword poke into my chest and that person pull it out. ouch.

After that, I stayed another night for chemo on the next day. Before that I did blood transfusion also. My tumor marker increased to 900 !!! I cry and sms my husband...am I going to die soon??

I tried not to be sad but very hard.....It is not that I scare of die. Sometimes I do think of die, then I no longer need to suffer all to pain. But I choose to live, choose to believe in God, strongly hold on Him as He is the one who give and take life. I pray to Him and seek help from Him, thanks the Lord.