Santa is coming to town …

I went to shopping with honey. This month is the most beautiful month during a year as Christmas is coming. Christmas decoration at shopping malls always is the best; I feel it is the most beautiful season decoration. I have taken some photos and got them upload to my multiply site. Also this month got a lot of sales are happening and really is a good time to do shopping. My honey bought me a yellow sweater. I like it very much and I really need it as I get to feel cold in air conditional room. Most of my "lemak" gone. Also I need to shop for pants as most of my shorts are too big for me nowadays. My honey keep complains me as the "lat kor ran"!!

Yeah Santa is coming to town … times for Christmas song.

BOLT

On a Friday night, we 'cheong' to cinema near by for the movie BLOT. We were a bit late and so we just took the car that parked at ground floor. I sat inside for few minutes and begin to have vomit feeling. There ware some rubbish inside the car and it is smelly!! I suspect that is the reason for my vomit feeling. Anyway, I try not to think about it and focus on the movie. It was a funny movie. I am very happy to see my honey laughing and enjoying the movie. Both of us miss the part where the Bolt's number 1 fan – the hamster appears to meet Bolt as I went to toilet to vomit. I almost cannot make it till I reached toilet, lucky that I didn't vomit out on the head of the person who is sitting in front of me :p I don't vomit these days and I really have no idea I do vomit while watching movie at cinema. It has to be the car. How can he make the car became like … sigh. I am glad that my honey is not like that :p After all, I quite like the movie, it was fun to watch and I really enjoyed it.

There are another 2 movie that I feel worth to watch, "Dan In Real Life" and "Pineapples Express". Their stories are simple but you may have a good laugh by their humor. While watching the "Pineapples Express", we do feel the actor look familiar but couldn't recall what's his name until we saw it at the ending and just realize that he is the best friend of Spiderman - James Franco.

Rashes

I went to see doctor again, didn't do CT Scan but just x-ray and blood test. X-ray couldn't tell exactly how big the tumor, but we able to see that it didn't grow bigger. The tumor maker from my blood test result still show very high reading. Doctor explained that it could be due to the medicine – Iressa, the maker turned to be not reliable. However, doctor seems very happy to see my faces got rashes, quite bad actually the rashes. The worst the rashes then the better the effect of Iressa. I do hope my rashes is getting more worst. It sound a bit crazy, isn't it? Hoping to get more rashes, actually I hope to get well soon :-)

Ingrown Nail

One of my fingers is sick! I guess is the new big nail cutter fault. Maybe I cut the side too low and caused ingrown nail. At first I taught it is just some virus infection but it last for weeks still not getting any better and at last I went to consult doctor. Doctor gave me anesectic and cut one side of my nail out so that it won't continue hurt my finger. Very pain ah sob sob!

Long Vacation

It has been quite some time that I addicted to PSP game :p. I have finished some of them:- Downstream Panic, God of War, Dinner Dish and Loco Roco. It is really a good present from my honey. It helps to kill time while waiting for doctor at hospital. It also helps to keep my mind to focus on game. Game can keeps my brain to react faster and think more. Some puzzle really not easy to solve!

I try to walk more at home. At least now I seem only able to do simple and slow exercise, guess walking is the best. I try not to sleep so much :p. I will get breathless very easy and follow by serious coughing after some aggressive exercise.

The newspaper caught my eyes few days ago. It reminds me one of the nice quote from the movie "Long Vacation" – It is actually God give you a long vacation when you are in down time in life. Enjoy the holidays as once it is over, life will gets back to work!

Yeah, we should always be happy ya :-)

Follow up

I felt breathless after a short walk. I felt breathless also after some cough. I told doctor about this and he wants me to do CT Scan, is time to check and he worry thing getting worse as I felt breathless. As usual the nurse will poke the needle on my hand and the machine will inject the contrast liquid into my body. I really wonder what actually make the different! Sometimes I felt no pain at all, just felt something warm get into my blood and the warm feeling growth until it covered my entire chest. Sometimes, like this time, my hand felt terrible pain. After the procedure, my hand already swollen and the nurse keep pressing it tight. I really wonder is it the way the nurse poke the needle can cause the pain. Most of the time I heard nurse told me this: I am sorry, this one is not working, I need to poke another one! Hence, at the end there are always 2 or 3 plasters on my hands and arms after the CT Scan.

The scan report stated that there is unchanged on the tumor size. Doctor said it is stable and I need to continue with the Irresa. The x-ray film show that there is some radiation change, my sore throat is recovering from the radiation and this is the reason I keep coughing.

I got a wonderful present from my honey. It is a PSP I just finished a game called "Downstream Panic". It was fun and all 80 levels, not easy eh!! Now I am on my favorite game – God of War.

I am not just play game the entire day. I did some exercise after breakfast at the backyard of my mother's house. I also have the badminton session with my niece at the evening, if no rain and my niece have no tuisyen class to attend. Anyway I try to do more and more exercise.

Worry

I went to see doctor again. I just worry as I heard some sound while I breath. I wonder what wrong with my lungs, is it the water inside them getting more and more?? Doctor really busy as he got so many patients. I waited him from 1.30pm till 4.30pm. He told me that he got 4 new cases today at Pantai. Wow, really lot and lot people get cancer nowadays!

Thanks gods I am ok and doctor want me to do x-ray again 2 weeks later. Ganbateh!!!

Sucks…

I was planned to admit to hospital as I need to do x-ray and blood test. At first I have been told that I may use my medical card since 8 August after the 3 months replenish period. I just get to know that I have been given the wrong information! How can their service desk gave wrong information?? So unprofessional!!

They told me that the 3 months period is count from my first admission date but then later they said it count from the last discharge date. Their definition of last discharge date is not the last time I used my medical card at hospital, it is the last discharge date even through I paid myself the expenses. This also means that I can't admit to any hospital for my sickness for 3 months then only I get to use my medical card. I really really feel that my AIA medical card is SUCKS!

1st Anniversary

Today is our first anniversary. It is a date that we became husband and wife. We went to celebrate at Rakuzen. I like Japanese food. My honey ordered the yummy scallop and I really enjoyed it. I read in newspaper about cancer survivor, she did mention that if you feel like eating something, just go ahead. The only thing is not to worry after ate, if feel worry then better not eats. I agreed with her. I need to be notti once in a while :p


I attacked 2 scallop. “hmmmm, hao hao mei ya…”
The yummy scallop really gave me that feeling.
Happy anniversary, my dear.

Iressa

I did CT Scan again. The tumor size is 4*3*3 cm now. Yeah, it gets smaller, but there is water inside my lungs. I started to cough, quite serious. Doctor decided to change me to oral medicine. I was so happy to hear this as no more chemo :p

I bought the medicine called Iressa for one month, 30 tablets and it costs me about 7K!!! According to doctor that I belong to the group that has very good result of this medicine. I pray and wish this medicine really work on me. Pray pray pray, I need to pray harder.

Cry…

I did my 3rd chemo of Alimta drug. I am really tired and weak. The vomit feeling make me feel so uncomfortable. I didn't know how many nights I did cry and my honey hugs me tight. Chemo really make people suffering.

Panel Doctors

Doctor gave me 2 tablets of anti-vomit pills. Each of them costs about RM100! If I still have the vomit feeling and headache, doctor wants me to have brain scan. Lucky that I do really feel better and success done the chemo on 23 July.

I went to Hospital Besar once discharged. I need to meet the panel doctors of socso(perkeso) for my claims. I hope I could get the approval, as I need money for my treatment. I am going to reach the limit of 30K of my medical card.

There were 5 of them, the panel doctors sitting in front of me. I answered their questions but they didn't ask much. They have seen my CT Scan's film and asked me to go home and wait for the letter.

Need to sleep

My chemo has been delayed, as my white blood cells were too low. I kept feel like to vomit. I tried very hard not to. I was tired, very tired and I need to sleep…

Guo Lin Qi Gong

My honey and I went to FRIM early in the morning. We met the sifu of Guo Lin Qi Gong at the waterfall car park. Sifu teach me guo lin qi gong and I remember all the steps. Basically this qi gong is about breathing. It helps to breath in a lot of oxygen and must do at outdoor. It was quite tired as it took about 1 hour to finish. I found myself like a dead fish after the session!

Chinese Medicine

I went to see doctor at Hospital Tong Shin, the Chinese traditional medical department. The doctor is from China. He didn't talk much and gave me medicine for 7 days after he felt my pulse with his finger. I hope the medicine will help me. Doctor did mention that the result was not so good as the tumor only shrunk by 1cm after 25 RT and 6 Chemo. I do really hope he could help me to make the tumor much smaller. Anyway, I feel happy as long as it gets smaller. Ganbateh!!

Happy Birthday

My birthday. My mom and sister cook some yummy dumpling for me. I got a nice, purple color crystal bracelet from my younger sister. It is good for health and I like it very much. Today was a peaceful day. I play game – Diablo and I am happy :)

Presents

My best friends came to pay me a visit. They bought me a lot of presents: Two nice caps, one scarf, one yummy cake and a bunch of beautiful purple flower. All these were to celebrate my birthday. Thanks all of them.

Poison

I was not feeling so well. I felt not comfortable while I sit or sleep or stand or walk. I didn't know what I want to do, I just has the uneasy feeling. I kept yawning and felt uneasy. Lucky my honey taught of it and safe me. He suspected it was the reaction that I have stopped morphine. I should slowly reduce the volume of morphine I took but not just stop it. It really make me feel better after drank the morphine. Arrr I was kena poison!

Weak

I was weak, very weak. I started to see only black after few minutes I stand or walk. The chemo drugs are really power. The nurse told me to eat more and she always complains that I look so pale. I need to eat more in order for the body to build back those cells that have been killed by the drugs. I do really try my very best to eat, my weight dropped to 52kg. Eat for living, I truly understand it now.

Painful

I did CT Scan again. The tumor was 1cm smaller. Doctor said it only shrunk a little but it is OK as he didn't expect it to be a lot. Well, I feel good to hear that. It got improvement and at least the tumor didn't get bigger. I need to continue chemotherapy but with different drug. I was allergy to the previous drug. Grrrr I always so easy to get allergy. Anyway I like the new chemo schedule where only need to do once for every 3 weeks. Perhaps I should not say that I "like" it.

I really don't like chemo! The drug is so power and it really can collapse a person. I lost my hair. Hair were everywhere on the floor, on my bed and on my shirt. The scariest part is to see hair covered both my hands when I wash them while bathing. I not dare to comb hair as I feel like more to comb out my hair. However, I couldn't wait my hair to drop all and I went to "botak" my hair. I feel much better with my hairless round round head :p

I lost my appetite and it is painful whenever I eat. I felt my chest was pain too even I didn't eat. Doctor claims that the side effect of RT was recall by the chemo drug. Again I suffer for that even through I had stopped RT. I started to take morphine as the pain killer.

I guess the most suffer part was the vomit. I have the vomit feeling for the entire day. It was really not so good feeling. It is like waiting something to come out but it doesn't want to come out so soon. Sometimes will get to vomit right after I ate. I was trying so hard to eat and it just took me few minutes to vomit out everything!

My honey insists me to wear mask whenever we go out. This is because my antibody became very weak due to the chemotherapy. So I turn to be a Japanese ninja whenever out by wearing a cap and mask to cover my nose and mouth!

Hard to Eat

I had done RT (Radiotherapy) for 25 times. Now, it took me about one hour to finish a meal. My chest was pain whenever I eat. This is the side effect of RT. I need to eat a medicine to numb my sore throat before I start my meal. Normally the numb feeling will gone before I finish my meal. Eating became a big project to me and I get to know that eating can be so hard! I feel jealous to all my family members whenever I see them eating so yummy so easy. I really can't enjoy food at all for the moment.

Helpful Nurse

I did my 3rd chemo yesterday. It was a lucky day. The nurse surprisingly became very helpful and success helped me to take 6 hours day cares instead of admit to hospital. Maybe she feels that I am pity as I was crying in front of her on the previous visit when she refused to help me on my medical card. Since then, she became very nice to me.

My honey decided to quit his job. He is going to start his new job on July. Yeah, I am happy that he could company me for 1 month and sending me in and out from the hospital every day.

Thank You

I have started my aggressive treatment for about 2 weeks. I need to do radiotherapy every day and chemotherapy once a week. So far so good. I still can eat but started to feel no taste and has vomit feeling. I drank a lot of the herbal tea. Those herbal tea may help to lighten all the side effect of my treatment. I really hope it helps and I can survive from the scary side effect.

Relatives and friends came to visit me. I would like to thank everyone who loves me. Thanks my mom, my dad and auntie for cooking me the herbal tea every day. Thanks sister for sending me to hospital every day. Thanks auntie for the fresh apples and thanks all my dear friends for visiting. Also not to forget to thank my honey who always support me. Thanks for giving me water in the middle of night, thanks for the yummy milk milk every night. Sorry to you that I couldn't buy you any birthday present this year.

I learn to appreciate every day I have. It is so good to see and feel the sun early in the morning. Thanks god to give me one more day.

Start Treatment

This is the first time I met Dato who is a famous Oncologist. Dato is so friendly and he explained very clearly to me about my illness. After heard my story, Dato said he is not agree with the lab test result that stated my cancer was small cells type. He requested me to redo the CT Scan and blood test. Also requested us to get back my tumor cells from the lab and sent it to SJMC for another round of analysis. I was thinking maybe it is not cancer, maybe it is something that has easier treatment and higher recovery chances??? However, I don't put any hope for that and try not to think so much about it.

We back to see Dato on the next day. Adenocarcinoma lung cancer was its name. I didn't cry this time. I listened carefully and I asked questions. Which stage is that? Is it curable? And finally this question: Why?
"I have no idea as you are non-smoker, you don't hang around at second-hand smoker places, but cancer patient's age are getting younger and younger nowadays."
That's the answer from doctor.

I already knew that I am not going to get any answer from anyone. Some people claim that it is due to the life style of the patient. They will tell you that it is your fault, you cannot blame anyone else. Do we really need to say such things to cancer patient??? Do we really need to tell cancer patient to blame himself for the illness??? Does this give any help??? I really doubt that.

There are 2 type of lung cancer:-
· Big cell
· Small cell

Actually my case was quite emergency and should start treatment immediately, but Dato said since I am ok (I look ok), so he would like to delay one day to re-test everything. This is important, as different kind of cancer will require different treatment. My earlier report stated that my cancer was small cell type, which is wrong. Dato confirmed that my case is big cell type. Treatment for big cell is slightly a bit easier then small cell. This really is good news to me, among the bad news.

I started my treatment on the next day and Dato explained clearly to me about his treatment plan. He requested me to maintain my weight – 55kg. He said that I cannot afford to lost weight!

Mom, I Love you

I got the test report and yes, it was malignant and confirmed it is cancer. I went home to see my mom that day and taught it could be the last time to see my mom. We hug each other and cried. She was sick also and just discharged for a backbone operation. Nobody inform her about my situation and I taught I should let her knows …

Needle Biospy

I was admitted to Sentosa hospital and met the doctor who is a radiologist. Doctor immediately arranged the procedure needle biospy for me on the same day. Prior to that, I was been told that 99.9% is cancer as there is water inside my lungs. Oh my god! I taught myself already prepared to hear this but I still can't really accept it. I was crying and I feel so sorry to my honey. He is so unlucky as he got a sick wife just one month ago! We both sit at one corner at hospital and we were crying …

At that moment I really taught I might only have about one month time, as it is not possible to have an operation to remove the tumor, its location is too close to heart!

After the needle biopsy, I was so weak, not even able to open my eyes. I was sleeping in sitting posture. This is because I need the help of gravity to flow my blood back into heart, else my face will become red like lobster, neck and arms will be swollen. My honey got an extra bed and company me that night. I seems heard he was crying in the middle of night with his hand holding on mine …

A date that I will never forget

It was sunny Sunday. Honey and I already planned to bring my in-law family to eat Bak-Kut-The at Kepong. Yes, it was planned but not actually happen! I woke up early in the morning and saw a different me in my bathroom's mirror. My face, neck and both my arms were 'big'. They were swollen! Oh No, I quickly run to my honey who was still sleeping …

I am sick.
I was admitted to Sunway Medical Center that day, done x-ray and CT Scan there. There is a tumor in my right chest, sandwich in between lungs and heart. Its size was 6*5*5 cm, wow that really big isn't it? The tumor was suppressing one of my veins and it blocked the blood from topper part of my body from flowing back into heart. This was the reason I became puffy.

Doctor told me that the next step is to get some cells from the tumor for lab test to find out if they are malignant. If the result is positive then it is cancer. I knew this is very serious and my life may count in months? Or days??? Isn't it in a movie, very soon the person who gets cancer will die?

I have done a procedure called broncoscopy. "Something" has been poked into my sore throat and it went into my lungs. The tumor was seen outside of lungs and doctor tried to get some cells. However the result was negative.

After that, doctor suggested to do an operation where a cut is required in order to retrieve the tumor's cell. I need to spend a night at ICU after the operation. I was quite blur that moment and I just signed the document given to me by doctor. Lucky my honey came and disagreed with that operation. There was another option I do have. A needle is to poke at my right chest and let it pass thru lungs to reach the tumor. This procedure is called needle biospy. "A needle is better then a knife", said my husband's friend who is a doctor. Thanks to KW.