There is Hope, there is Life

Yeah, it did happen, something very bad, should I use a better word ? be positive ? very hard to do so, I am not strong at all, I am weak, very weak, I can't handle it by myself, I need God, I need you the Lord, please help me Lord Jesus.

My headache is coming back, I can sense that it is a bit serious then last week. The pain was not constant, I means I don't feel the pain all the time, it came suddenly and I feel pressure on my head and it gone after a while. I feel weak again and after my RT treatment for my left hip on this Wednesday, my mom force me to see doctor, I was thinking to see doctor on coming Monday, I am, yes I am trying to deny all these, I keep telling myself that I just have normal headache and it will gone soon, it will gone in few days. This is not working, NOT working at all. The nurse at Wijaya also noticed that I don't look good so they called the doctor and immediately I went to see him. Again he did the blood count test for me, again I was hoping my hemoglobin was low and not much blood on my head....how silly I am ya. My blood was ok, only my white blood cell low and this actually caused me so weak, so tired. So...I was scheduled to do MRI scan for my brain the next morning. Ya, bad news. I did have a peek on the report when I am holding the scan report and on my way to see my doctor. I really can't understand the report as almost all the words are too technical for me, but I see 1.6cm....surpressing veinxxxxx(I can't even spell)....ya not good ya...I just calm myself and keep praying, keep praying to God, asked God to be with me, grant me strength to face all these.

Doctor told me that it is not so good when I walked into his room. When a doctor tell you not so good actually he means it is quite bad :-). tears running down from my eyes, I was trying very hard to stop them. Ya, my brain got tumors, my lung cancer already metasis to my brain. There is one big size tumor 1.6cm there and this caused my headache. There are another 10 to 15 tiny tumors in my brain too. Yeah I still and really thanks God from the bottom of my heart, this is consider early detection, thanks God for the headache and thanks for the MRI Scan, ya everythings is in God's plan. If I did the CT Scan on brain then will miss all the tiny tumors as too small to be detect by CT Scan, only MRI can catch them. Thanks God.

I told my husband that if one day I just collapsed and only able to lye down on bed, just terminate me....

Well, my feeling is ok when I wrote this post, don't expect it to be great but I am ok. Again I pray to God, I cry and tell God that I need Him, asking mercy from Him, I surrender everything and my life to Him, I am asking God to let me know what can I do to success His'plan, what is His's plan for me. God did send SeokPeng and gave me a book, a book by a cancer survivor - Shery Lim who healed by God. Ya, thanks God for the book, it really increase my faith. Thanks God.

God said when there is hope, there is life.

I promised God that I will read bible everyday, I will memorize His Word. I must do this.