Weak

I was weak, very weak. I started to see only black after few minutes I stand or walk. The chemo drugs are really power. The nurse told me to eat more and she always complains that I look so pale. I need to eat more in order for the body to build back those cells that have been killed by the drugs. I do really try my very best to eat, my weight dropped to 52kg. Eat for living, I truly understand it now.

Painful

I did CT Scan again. The tumor was 1cm smaller. Doctor said it only shrunk a little but it is OK as he didn't expect it to be a lot. Well, I feel good to hear that. It got improvement and at least the tumor didn't get bigger. I need to continue chemotherapy but with different drug. I was allergy to the previous drug. Grrrr I always so easy to get allergy. Anyway I like the new chemo schedule where only need to do once for every 3 weeks. Perhaps I should not say that I "like" it.

I really don't like chemo! The drug is so power and it really can collapse a person. I lost my hair. Hair were everywhere on the floor, on my bed and on my shirt. The scariest part is to see hair covered both my hands when I wash them while bathing. I not dare to comb hair as I feel like more to comb out my hair. However, I couldn't wait my hair to drop all and I went to "botak" my hair. I feel much better with my hairless round round head :p

I lost my appetite and it is painful whenever I eat. I felt my chest was pain too even I didn't eat. Doctor claims that the side effect of RT was recall by the chemo drug. Again I suffer for that even through I had stopped RT. I started to take morphine as the pain killer.

I guess the most suffer part was the vomit. I have the vomit feeling for the entire day. It was really not so good feeling. It is like waiting something to come out but it doesn't want to come out so soon. Sometimes will get to vomit right after I ate. I was trying so hard to eat and it just took me few minutes to vomit out everything!

My honey insists me to wear mask whenever we go out. This is because my antibody became very weak due to the chemotherapy. So I turn to be a Japanese ninja whenever out by wearing a cap and mask to cover my nose and mouth!

Hard to Eat

I had done RT (Radiotherapy) for 25 times. Now, it took me about one hour to finish a meal. My chest was pain whenever I eat. This is the side effect of RT. I need to eat a medicine to numb my sore throat before I start my meal. Normally the numb feeling will gone before I finish my meal. Eating became a big project to me and I get to know that eating can be so hard! I feel jealous to all my family members whenever I see them eating so yummy so easy. I really can't enjoy food at all for the moment.